(((Project Blancoyd)))

Time for RalphLauren.com to hire a new copywriter

Hilary Glime vs "Real Estate Professionals" round 2

In response to the comment left on my last post about "Real Estate Professionals" I remain firm on my opinion and can honestly say that I know at least 85 "Real Estate Professionals" from working in the business and sure, there may be a few accidentals but 99.9% of them are overpaid chauffeurs that have a death grip on the market like some sort of corrupt union or mob. It is  only a matter of time that your middleman jobs are phased out by better public search engines and settlement attorneys. Then they will have to go back to being pre-owned cars sales people or gasp.... go back to school for a real career that does not involve screwing homeowners. With that said.. GO POUND SAND

There is no such thing as a "Real Estate Professional"- sorry.

Here is solid proof that

     A.) Realtors are morons . Have been and always will be. Especially the ones   
            that have not jumped the industry ship

     B.) The Philadelphia real estate market is still not great

     C.) You really need to think about whether the rest of the industry will want to
            do business with the moron you hired. Think Housepad.com instead.

Another funny thing about this partnership is that they are called "Rich and Brooke."

   

Why Can't Al Bundy Work at Neiman Marcus?

Tonight I nearly fell asleep in my food. I can't imagine that I was a great person to eat dinner with but my neighbor Jeff didn't seem to mind. I apologize for many of my posts bordering lame lately. Its just have been so busy with Project Blancoyd and the parade of contractors that have been stopping by. I can count nearly 8 times in the last month that Comcast alone has stopped by to fix internet, cable or deal with me on the air conditioner they trampled in my attic. Anyway, I am happy that things will be back to normal soon.

Today I went to our mega mall, King of Prussia and tried on a pair of shoes at one of the department stores since the heel from my favorite black pair finally broke off. Since its just the mall and not a social outing I do not bother dress up. I really don't understand women who get glamed up for the mall especially since that is the absolute last place you will pick up a man- or at least a straight one. I then got the stink face from the shoe sales woman dressed to the nines while she watched me parade around in sweat pants and high heels. How dare she judge.

So, after watching her watch me I grabbed 6 additional pairs of shoes and told her to bring me them. I tried them all on with no intentions but to annoy her and then sent them all back. I then grabbed 5 more pairs of shoes and did the same thing. While she was in the back of the room putting away the shoes and loudly complaining (and probably my attire) to another shoe salesman about my indecisiveness I got up and went to another department where I paid my store credit card then left the building. I would rather partake in autodefenstration (new word of the day meaning to throw oneself out the window) than buy shoes from  some saleswoman that acts like she owns the $700+ a piece shoes that she sells.

Are you an EthicaL Slut?

A while ago I got a recommendation from a former male friend to read a book with a very alternate philosophy on relationships called "The Ethical Slut."  Although this  little swinger hand book stirred some curiousity I just couldn't get past the cognitive dissonance it gave me with quotes like these...

"A ring around the finger does not cause a nerve block to the genitals."

"We measure the ethics of a good slut not by the number of his partners, but by the respect and care with which he treats them."

"A slut shares her sexuality the way a philanthropist shares his money — because they have a lot to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because sharing makes the world a better place."

Alright well I will let you be the judge on whether we should all make free hippy love or live in a swell little compound in the middle of Utah. I am just simply stating that starting a hiv farm is just not for me...

My Dream Sofa...sigh

After reading the Black Apple post on the perfect couch I nearly went nuts looking for the name of a sofa that I once saw in Domino magazine. Lucky for me I was able to locate the magazine tear out of it while going through a big box of my favorite design images. The name of the sofa is called  "Alleegasse" and it must be one of the most dramatic, high impact pieces out there but unfortunately these pictures do not do it the justice it deserves. It also has a great matching arm chair as well. Both pieces were designed during my favorite era in the year 1912 by the late Josef Hoffmann inVienna.  Now just pair these up with a couple of Kelly Wearstler's balloon chairs, a sheep skin rug, over the top chandelier my dad's butcher block coffee table and you will have quite a room.

Pop! Just a couple fun pieces i snagged off decor8

Butterfly Clock from Heal's

Carpet from Hay

Project Blancoyd invades the man space

More often than not whenever I have entered a twenty something year old guy's apartment I found dorm room style furnishings that were built for survival of the teenage years supplied by mom and dad during middle school only to later be repossessed by Junior after college for the "the first big place." Typically the room will be fairly sparse with the occasional milk crate holding up an X-Box or Wii, a big screen TV and a few Periodic Table of  Sex, Animal House, or Pulp Fiction posters lined up above the bed. Then comes the denim. Boy do men love denim linens!

If this sounds like your bedroom then this is the post for you! There is nothing wrong with the posters, video games and so on but the bedroom just isn't the place. Especially if you ever plan let the ladies hang out in there while you show off your guitar skills.

A week ago I received an email from a man that complimented me on my taste and asked me for a little advice on his bedroom. Being a sucker for kind words I just couldn't turn the guy down so I told him to send over some of his best bedroom shots. Although his bedroom does not contain milk crates and I haven't seen an X Box or goofy posters, it does have that sparseness element that really lacks the personality of its owner. I also noticed that the arrangement was kind of predictable, and the furniture style was a bit ho-hum. Lucky for him all of this can be changed very easily.  Here are a few of the pictures that he included in the email.  I am hoping that he does not mind me responding to him publicly. I just thought it would be best to address a few other men who have asked for my help with very similar set ups and I feel that more than one guy can benefit from this post :) 





Here is the inspiration photo that Mr. Anonymous sent me. He said that he likes to keep things relatively simple and really likes the color navy blue. Plus he dug the stripes in the inspiration picture.



Ok, so here is my little starter prescription Mr. A's man space that won't require a dumpster out front or an insane amount of cash. The room that I would put together would be luxurious in a subtle way (no Louis chairs- haha), with a masculine color palate that can even incorporate that much loved navy blue but toned down and complimented with other colors like pale gray, an off white canvas, a punch of blood red, royal/ navy blue and some brass accents. Think a turn of the century Ralph Lauren.

So here we go

 

• Go more lux on your bed. Since the bed frame itself is fairly simple but not modern looking enough to go sleek with the bedding, having  plush, super comfy bedding is the best way to make it look more inviting.   The trick with this is to have many layers so you aren't stuck with one super heavy winter comforter/ bed spread in the summer time and this way you can easily peel back the unused layers when sleeping until fall weather comes around. 

           For this room I would suggest a sheet set that has thick, vertical 1' x 1'
           white on white stripes (every other iridescent) which can be easily found             at TJ Maxx , Marshalls, Ross or Macys, etc. I have seen nice sets for
           about 50 bucks but often less if you hunt around.

         
          You can find a white down comforter at Ikea or Macy's for a reasonable
          price as well. With simple, plain items like these I would not splurge too
         much because the room will only look more upscale in conjunction with
         other more interesting decorative items. For the foot of the bed I have 
         found this great Mohair throw to be kept along the foot of the bed for 
         some subtle color. 

          The next thing I would suggest would be a solid, pale grayish tan, linen    
          pillow shams along with a contrasting blood red velvet pillow. You can 
          buy a set of the linen pillows for $29 at Crate and Barrell online here. 
          There also should be 2 sleeping pillows (underneath the linen and red 
          throw pillows) on each side of the bed. Unfortunately I was not able to 
          locate the red velvet pillow so you may need to wait until the Holiday
          season to snap one up or you could just subsititute it for a navy velvet
          pillow. I say velvet because rich favrics with simple shapes will make this
          look work.

• Dress up existing furniture with accents. Since the bedroom set is rather plain my first step would be removing the existing hardware and replacing them with a more attractive brass knob. You can find some attractive pieces here. Try to go for a more art nouveau or art deco since that is some of the inspiration for what your room will be based on. Below is along the lines of what your dressers and nightstand will look like after the hardware. The piece is from Ralph Lauren and costs an arm an a leg but can be loosely mimicked.

 

• Hardwire interesting lighting on each side of the bed. Instead of the typical swing arm sconce that you would see hardwired I would take a different spin and add two of these Architect Lamps in bronze with metal shades.  You can find them online at Pottery Barn here. In addition to the hardwired lighting I would add this Old World Lamp from Anthropologie. I know it is a big of a splurge but it really looks cool.

• Pay attention to your walls. Go lux on the window coverings. Again, add brass hardware for the window coverings to accent 2 cream velvet  panels on each window. What is great about the velvet panels is that it is extra insulation during the winter time from drafty windows.
  

  

                I also noticed the mirror hanging above the dresser. If possibly I
               would hand it horizontally instead of vertically. It will look more
               interesting. I also feel that your spiral staircase photography will look
              even better now that the accessories compliment them better.

                BUT before you do anything I would suggest painting the room the                         same color as the mohair throw rug shown above. You can add great                     artistic elements without being artistic yourself through decals. Below                 is a decal i would suggest for your room. You can order it here from                         Etsy and I would suggest it in a brown. It would look best next to your                 chair. If you really wanted to go all out though I would have that chair                     reupholstered in a light brown aged leather or a navy blue and white                     vertical stripe, but thats just me going all out :)

 

                Although if you are feeling more creative you can pick a wall and do                     something like the picture below to it. Although, the instructions are                     for another post entirely. This was a wall I did in my dining room that                 was very Art Nouveau.

• Don't forget your floors. Last but not least comes the floor coverings. Sorry to offend all of the PETA folks out there but I am suggesting this awesome cowhide rug from Spiegel.  It has the perfect colors and is pretty luxurious looking. You can find rug here.

If I was to add some additional decor to this room I would add an old world map or possibly a globe,  sculptural looking tree, and maybe an old antique trunk or antique leather suitcase at the foot of the bed. This way you get that "I can travel the world in 80 days by hot air balloon like its my job" look.

AND that concludes my invasion of the man space.

 

 

The Pilot by Jeff Ridgely

The caterpillar (my neighbor Jeff) appears to be a pretty awesome photographer. He took this great picture of a dragonfly in his back yard. Talk about great timing. I of course got my hands on it and altered it a little :)

Best Commercials Ever

Oceanography

A few new (to me) online shops to obsess about ...


Stellanova Jewelry


Flush Please


Amber Alexander


Selflesh

Bad Ass Custom Decals
    

Shop Update

For thse of you who frequent my blog, here are a few pictures you might remember that will be available unwatermarked prints on my Etsy shop.

Etsy Buy Handmade ProjectBlancoyd

Wisdom from Jonathan "Design Ghandi" Adler

Advice I plan on taking from Jonathan Adler's book : My Prescription for Anti-Depressive Living

"Decorate outside of the box. dangle a hanging chair in your living room, put beaded curtains in doorways, plop a suit of armor in your foyer, amuse yourself.

Get rid of all of your boring, tiresome friends, make friends with cabaret stars, exotic dancers, and down-on-their-luck royalty instead

Compliment lavishly. Tell someone who their celebrity look-alike is. Greet effusively. Be friendlier thank you think you should be.

When you throw a party (and you should throw a party, by the way), put a Clockwork Orange on the TV on a constant loop.

Dress like a back-up singer

Think BIG! Perch a five-foot-tall toothbrush in your bathroom corner (www.thinkbigny.com) or a fiant light bulb chandelier over your dining room table. Pop style is about toying with reality and having fun.

Throw a dinner party and dye all the food purple

Hide a riot of color under the covers

Name your children after venerable New York law firms for Patrician Panache. My faves are Calwallader, Wickersham, Taft, Devoise, and Plimpton. How cute would little Cadwallader Adler be?

Throw out your Blackberry and go pick some actual blackberries

Stock your guest room with books that people will actually want to read: Valley of the Dolls, Scriples, Sex and the Single Girl.

Carry a squash racquet everywhere for instant old-money cred.

Name your house after an English Country Estate- Balmoral Arms, Sandringham, Blenheim- and have the name imprinted on matchbooks, napkins, and stationery (www.sun-rise.com). This is an especially good idea id you live in a studio apartment or in a suburb of Buffalo. Tongue-in-cheek grandiosity is good for the soul.

Buy rich ladies' scarves and make them into pillows, search ebay for ones by Vera, Cardin, Hermes, or Dior.

Decorate your home so that it expresses who you are and makes you happy when you walk in the door

When having a dinner party, always serve yourself first. It will make people feel more comfy.


                 **Thanks Design Ghandi for the words of wisdom*

Pb on Philebrity

It appears that my friend over at Philly Chit Chat , Hughe Dillon sent over one of my silly rants from the other day about Philly being so darn awesome to Philebrity. This explains my sudden spike in references to that post on my stats page. Thanks for  letting me know what the heck was going on. haha.

You can view what they wrote here

Flick List

I have a flick list about a mile long of movies that I need to get around to watching. Thought that I would share a few trailers with you and maybe we can get through them together...

Brick

 

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

 

Eagle Vs Shark

Mae Vie En Rose

The Cider House Rules

Beautiful Losers

Stardust

Les Triplettes de Belleville Intro (which seems to be one crazy movie)

Fur

Brick Lane

El ORfanato

The Science of Sleep

200 cigarettes

Paris Jet'amie

 

Little book of inspirations

After being uber productive yesterday (except for my surf and turf King's feast at 5940) I decided to keep things  more relaxed today after prepping my house to be shown, yet again by a realtor that shows up 1 minute before her estimated showing time allotment would be over. I had pretty much given up on her showing so when Mike (roommate) ran up to take a shower I did not stop him. The realtor finally arrived so while her clients (a mother and 3 teenage daughters from Scranton) were checking out my basement I ran up stairs to alert Mike of the showing. Unfortunately Mike was just toweling off when he met the realtor and her clients fully nude. I was in my library when I heard this outburst of giggling and apologies. I can promise you that they will not forget my house in the shuffle.

I also got this little blank Sketch book from The Black Apple and I decided to break it in and designate it to inspirational drawings only. They are quick little sketches of things I found in books, places, etc that I found inspiring and happen to draw up while waiting for a realtor to arrive. Hope you enjoy them.

Witchcraft in a bottle? Who cares!

I stumbled across an ad for Liquid Trust Spray while Googling " Way to trick chicks into liking me" and it was a interesting concept. According to the website this spray contains Oxytocin  which the website explains "is a chemical that is produced naturally in every human's brain. Its production is triggered by a range of stimuli, including sex and breastfeeding and it is known to be important in the formation of social ties, such as who we choose to mate with and bonding with our children. In fact, Oxytocin has often been referred to as the "love hormone".

All this time I thought the love hormone was Sambuca but it's strong black licorice aroma prevented me from dousing myself in it before setting out for the night.

The site touts the spray as a product that can improve your sex life, relationships with loved ones and even help you at work. They provide a few testimonies that do seem quite trusting:

""One way that I can gauge the difference of Liquid Trust is that I work in a bar part time as a second job. My tips have gone up about five times the amount I got before! So it has more than paid for itself."
"I ordered liquid trust a couple of weeks ago...I do seem to be having good results with it... People are being nicer to me. I will say that I intend to keep wearing it!!"

Now all of this sounds great but I wonder what the unpublished user comments might say. What if the outcome wasn't as expected:
"I used your spray for 3 weeks and now I keep getting love notes left in my gym locker and once found a cologne soaked jock strap hanging from my Corvettes mirror. Perhaps you can make the spray more gender specific"  Jack Smith

or

"I applied your spray hoping to attract a woman who frequents the dog park I visit. Minutes after arriving at the park I was gang humped by two labs, 3 pits and a puggle. You should have a warning label on the bottle" Joe Moore

and maybe

"I used your product for 3 months and it resulted in me needing four months of therapy. I no longer could have normal relations with my boyfriend because I only loved myself. I trusted myself so much that was no longer able to resist the impulses that I previously had control over. I lost my home due to gambling, I am now 298 lbs and I owe Victoria's Secret $3800 for underwear and candles. You have ruined my life!" Sandy Murphy

I still may order a bottle, I do have a funeral to attend and the widow still has a few good years left.

More Funnebone

Mamas Little Babies

Here is a few fun pieces from an Etsy shop that I stumbled across worth mentioning. There are quite a few of these that use plastic shrink art for jewelry but I think MamasLittleBabies is the best. I personally think that the man in the tutu is more my speed. haha

Philadelphia = one of the most natural disaster free major cities

I have always enjoyed websites that give a roster of interesting facts. Being that one of tonight's topics at 5940 was how great Philadelphia is and why people should move here I felt that I should contribute some statistics to this discussion. Being that I am from South Florida which is one of the most natural disaster prone  states I have learned to quickly appreciate the mild weather of Southeastern Pennsylvania not to mention that it is an absolutely gorgeous place in the spring, summer, and fall. So I have linked you to a list of all the news making natural and man made disasters that have caused casualties in the United States. Notice that the great state of Pennsylvania is listed a total of 5 times which include the 911 attacks, the Johnstown Flood of 1889, the Pittsburgh flood of 1936, the great train wreck of 1856 and Mowhawk Airlines flight 40 in 1967. All but one of these was a manmade disaster and out of that it was 5 or 6 hours away from Philadelphia in Pittsburgh which  should make Philadelphia a more desirable city based on that fact alone.

Strawberry Shortcake & Banana Bread Saturday

Today I had one of the most productive mornings. I was out mowing my lawn at 8:45 am, cleaned my house and made a couple batches of these bad boys. Luckily I have great neighbors and a roommate to help eat them since only one of the two groups of realtors actually showed. grrr.

How Connie may get taken away by airport security

Connie: Hey there.

Feeling better today?

Me:yes

i was yawning all day yesterday

i took a nap that really helped

what time does your flight leave?
Connie: That's good. 12 noon. I'm at the airport already, utilizing the free wifi!
Me:ah nice

i'd be taking pictures and doing a "Glamour airport don'ts" for the blog if i was sitting in a boring airport
Connie: Haha yeah so far I have been tempted to snap pics of random hot guys and crazy old lady's with loud outfits

Me: do it!

make a game out of it
Connie: I think I will!  just gotta figure out how to be discreet. Don't want anyone getting made at me now, haha.
Me:or you can play Kill, F**k, Marry and snap pictures of the perfect people for each one

The person you'd kill based on looks ought to be interesting in the airport
Connie: Haha wow thats a new one! Sounds fun!
Me: what would be funny is if you approached them like they were a celebrity and had someone take your picture with them
Connie: HAHAHA
"OMG Jeremy Boxworth?" "Huh?" "Aren't you that guy? Jeremy, on that show on ABC?" "Um noooo.." "You look just like him! Can I get a pic with you?!"

Me: it'd be funny of you called someone Jamie Lynn Spears
Connie: HA considering i just saw her mentioned on CNN for having a girl lol
Me: or ....Michael Jackson
Connie:hey might beat you up though
aw who'd beat me up? im too cute!

Me: I dunno man if you said I looked like MJ I might take a swing at cuteness
Connie: They'd be like oh this poor dumb cute girl... okay ill take a pic with her

LoL i see your point

Man I wish you'd given me this idea when that one hot guy was here
Me: well get snapping pictures lady I want to see some freaks!

You can check up to see Connie's photography journey at her blog and see if security may nab her before noontime.

 

Nice Wine Rack

Dyan Carlson sent me this and I  couldn't believe that it was actually a real product. I mean sure its a gag gift but usually you see this kind of stuff in email forwards. You can purchase the wine rack as well as the beer belly here.

Boom Shak-A-Lak

After watching Biodome (which I have not seen since the 90's) I couldn't help thinking about how much I miss the sillyness of the 90's. So with effort to bring back the nineties I bring you Boom-Shak-A-Lak by the Apache Indian. Enjoy :)

ParkeHarrison gives me the chills

"Stolen Summer"

"The Scribe"

"Gray Dawn"

The Architects Brother Series (Below)

“My photographs tell stories of loss, human struggle, and personal exploration within landscapes scarred by technology and over-use…. strive to metaphorically and poetically link laborious actions, idiosyncratic rituals and strangely crude machines into tales about our modern experience.”
- Robert ParkHarrison

Project Blancoyd's Sea Scape

My ex boyfriend (Dave Gump) gave me his goldfish that appears to have been drinking Powerthurst and over the last couple of months I really have been developing a special bond with the little guy. Well, maybe not but he really adds to my whole ocean theme in my living room and I will be sad when Dave repos him. I have even considered pimping his tank with a windmill :)


Then I tried to utilize the wire sculpture I made in college and turn it into a weird lamp shade but I think I might be committing a design crime.

Creepy Attic

While trying to assess the damage that Comcast did to my central air conditioning while they were installing internet cables I started to get really creeped out by how spooky my attic is. I have never really ventured around most of it because there is a minimal catwalk but today I was kind of forced to and did not enjoy one bit of it. The knuckleheads sat on my vents and disconnected some of the ducts. I am sure this was a contributing factor to why my ac no longer works. Grrr..

Green Tea

Just one more addition to that fantasy Garden for Project Blancoyd. This is from the Bejing Olympics although I don't understand its relevance.

A case for not going to the grocery store in the a.m.

There is nothing more infuriating than standing in line watching the old hag in front of you hand the cashier several coupons and repeatedly ask for subtotals as each item is rung. The cashier tells the woman to look at the computer screen but the she insists that a subtotaled receipt is printed each and every time. Then after the annoyed teen hits the total button the coupon hag goes into a fit of rage accusing the computer and her of incompetence. Apparently the total is a bit different than the total her groceries used to cost in 1924. At this point I am wondering if my case of water and single red bull are worth the wait and headache. Since I have already waited 20 minutes for management to read every coupon and thoroughly audit her transaction I decide to stick it out. Thirty seconds later coupon hag notices that she does not have her coin purse. The now 10 cart long line, myself and the poor cashier watch this woman go to her car, get inside and drive off.   By now the cashier is fuming and her manager walks over to the line and proceeds to chew her out for being slow. I of course remember back to my minimum wage days and stand up for the frustrated girl who is reduced to tears and get into the ring with Ms. ShopRight. She then grabs my items and tells the girl to watch her see how its done and rings up the wrong bar code that tells me my 24 pack of water costs me $35. She gives me my total and I tell her that she is nuts and that water and red bull do not cost $37.50. She insists that she is correct. I tell her to go pound sand.  Meanwhile the rest of the line is yelling at each other because one lady a few carts down is being impatient and calling for attention, the elderly man behind her is screaming for me to slap the manager in hopes for a girl fight and the elderly woman next to the yelling man is screaming because he is screaming into her hearing aid.  Then the in the midst of a borderline grocery store riot I grab my things and calmly walk out. I look over my shoulder and nobody noticed I left except for the cashier. I see the manager throw her arms up in the air and announce that she has quit and the teenage cashier mouthing Thank You silently while waving goodbye.  Let that be a lesson to you to never go to the grocery store during the a.m. The End.

Oh, and in case you are wondering I got water and red bull in under 5 minutes at Genauradi's.

Regina Spektor

And I thought I was the only one who knew of Regina Spektor.  That was until I started listening to Hilary's music selections and my favorite RS song , Samson,came on. Before you knew it, my coworkers were looking at me even more oddly as I sang along at my desk.

If you haven't heard of Ms. Spektor, I consider her the less-angry Tori Amos.  Take a look, and a listen:

www.reginaspektor.com

Click to enter the site, then click on "video" at the top.  Sit back and watch greatness unfold.

When your food misbehaves..

Now enjoy my collection of edible porn and trust me, we are not really this immature in person :)

Lighthouse or Johnson? What do you think Dyan?

The butter is acting sexy




 

What do you think Cartman would say?